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Crazy in Poughkeepsie
Daniel Pinkwater
“Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a ludicrous romp reminiscent of the Muppets!” —Beth Cato, author of The Clockwork Dagger
The inimitable Daniel Pinkwater (The Big Orange Splot; The Hoboken Chicken Emergency) brings his zany wit and wisdom to a middle-grade adventure following a kid’s off-the-beaten-path journey, featuring an unfocused spiritual guide, a not-quite-dwarf, a graffiti “artist,” a ghost whale, and mystical shenanigans galore.
ISBN: Print ISBN: 9781-61696-374-3, Digital ISBN: 978-1-61696-375-0
Published: May 2022
Available Format(s): Hardcover and Digital
The inimitable Daniel Pinkwater (The Big Orange Splot; The Hoboken Chicken Emergency) brings his zany wit and wisdom to a gentle middle-grade adventure following a kid’s off-the-beaten-path journey, featuring an unfocused spiritual guide, a not-quite-dwarf, a graffiti “artist,” a ghost whale, and mystical shenanigans galore.
“Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a ludicrous romp reminiscent of the Muppets! This is a book that will make you laugh, grin, and maybe look for more whimsy in your own world.” —Beth Cato, author of The Clockwork Dagger
Mick is a good kid, but maybe he can use just a little guidance. But it’s unclear who will be guiding whom, because Mick’s brother came home from Tibet with the self-proclaimed Guru Lumpo Smythe-Finkel and his dog Lhasa―and then promptly settled both of them in Mick’s bedroom.
(The thing about this kind of guru is that he doesn’t seem to know exactly what he’s trying to do. He sure does seem to be hungry, though.)
Anyway, Mick agrees to something like a quest, roaming the suburbs with the oddest group of misfits: Lumpo and Lhasa; graffiti-fanatic Verne; and Verne’s unusual friend Molly. Molly is a Dwergish girl―don’t worry if you don’t know what that is yet―and she seems to be going off the rails a bit.
Along the way, the gang will get invited to a rollicking ghost party, consult a very strange little king, and actually discover the truth about Heaven. Or a version of the truth anyway, because in a Daniel Pinkwater tale, the truth is never the slightest bit like what you’re expecting.
Antick Musings Best Books of 2022
“Mick returns home from summer camp to find ‘a little old man’ named Guru Lumpu Smythe-Finkel occupying his bedroom in Pinkwater’s (Adventures of a Dwergish Girl) jovial novel. Though Mick’s older brother Maurice brought Lumpu and his dog Lhasa home from his trip to the Himalayas, the guru takes Mick on as his apprentice. During their daily hikes, Lumpu—who insists that destiny led him to Poughkeepsie, N.Y.—teaches Mick to appreciate the innate oddness of his hometown. The pair are joined by Vern, Mick’s environmental activist friend from summer camp, and Molly, a new arrival from the Catskill Mountains who describes herself as ‘crazy… I’m not myself.’ After encountering a ghost whale named Luna, the group embarks on a quest to guide the cetacean to her final resting place at the “whaley pearly gates.” . . . . This caper offers comical adventure, and Renier’s b&w illustrations exude classic comic strip aesthetics, admirably complementing Pinkwater’s straightforwardly told absurdist humor.
—Publishers Weekly
“The Pinkwaterverse is a place of delight and camaraderie, wordplay and weirdness, magic and epic sojourns. Each Pinkwater novel is a novelty and unmistakably part of his vast literary legacy. Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a trip to whale heaven, an afterlife that we can all aspire to.”
—Cory Doctorow, author of Little Brother
“Molly, a previously met character belonging to a secretive people (which ‘rhymes,’ the author hints, ‘with schmeprekon’) joins reluctant young narrator Mick and a motley group of fellow travelers in a tricked-out 1958 Buick convertible, complete with built-in toaster, to deliver a ghostly cetacean to the “whaley pearly gates,” also known as Whalhalla, Mount Whalympus, or Flukes of Glory. Naturally, there are many surreal encounters along the way, but bombinating (look it up) as they “stooge along,” guided by a surprisingly knowledgeable dog, the intrepid road trippers complete their mission, only to be rewarded by being all-too-briefly drawn in to the mystical, whirling dance of the massed whale spirits. Renier’s intermittent spot art provides an added visual element, and the climactic experience is likely to affect readers as deeply as it does Mick and his compatriots, making an unexpectedly lovely capper for this typically, and distinctively, daffy journey.”
—Booklist
“Daniel Pinkwater’s new novel is a magical ‘bombination,’ which is to say a slow hum that starts soft and then wraps around you with snappy wit and ghostly music that makes you dance. It’s a hum that gathers all together-short, tall, odd, activist, artist, teen and guru-until you realise that you’re at the party of your life.”
—Jewelle Gomez, author of the Gilda Stories
“Opening the pages of Crazy in Poughkeepsie was like buying a ticket back to the all the weirdness and wonder of being a kid. I’m pretty sure we passed the Phantom Tollbooth during the road trip!”
—Jacqueline Carey, author of Starless
“By the time it’s over, Crazy in Poughkeepsie turns into a remarkably sweet-natured mystical fantasy about helping a beloved ghost whale find its way to whale heaven. But throughout, it remains a characteristic Pinkwater tale of unexpected turns, hilarious sidebars, and above all a celebration of the outsider—or at least of the quirks and obsessions that make us all outsiders at one time or another. And, as always, it’s wickedly funny.”
—Locus
“Daniel Pinkwater has written a very clever and funny story that will keep middle graders, even reluctant readers, fully engaged and turning pages right through to the end. The characters are fully formed and fascinating. The story is very compelling and the writing is superb, with snappy dialogue and excellent description.”
—Seattle Book Review
“A light-hearted romp filled with wonders including ghosts, gurus, and gold told in classic Pinkwater style. . . . Pinkwater manages to skewer and humanize lofty ideas of what it means to be a mystic, what it means to be an outsider, and what it means to follow an adventure no matter where it might take you with humor and absurdity that we could all use right now.”
—Kendra Preston Leonard, author of Protectress
“Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a ludicrous romp reminiscent of the Muppets! Weirdness is positive, wonderful, and everywhere in Pinkwater’s writing. This is a book that will make you laugh, grin, and maybe look for more whimsy in your own world.”
—Beth Cato, author of The Clockwork Dagger
“Daniel Pinkwater’s latest book, Crazy in Poughkeepsie, will delight his longtime addicts and provide a funny introduction to his world for anyone stumbling upon him for the first time. The short novel aimed at kids plays like a Pinkwater greatest-hits album.”
—Book & Film Globe
“Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a delightful book. It is a simple story with tiny bits of adventure all around, but I think that’s what many of us, me included, need often right now. I recommend this book to those who want a quiet adventure and a bit of funkiness in their lives.”
—A. Siegel
“A wonderfully silly and delightful adventure.”
—The Nameless Zine
“This book is short, sweet, ridiculous, and hilarious with a modern take on ‘Save the Planet.’ Rarely does a book make me actually laugh out loud but this one did in several places.”
—Lucy’s Kids Blog
“This is a wonderfully weird story. The absurd moments flow effortlessly from one to the next. As always, I’ll note that seemingly effortless moments obviously are the result of effort, skill, and talent.”
—The Irresponsible Reader
5/5 stars. “All I can say this book is totally bonkers sometimes I was beginning to wonder what am I reading but you know what it made me laugh out loud.”
—Nutty Bookworm
Daniel Pinkwater is the author and in some cases illustrator of more than one hundred (and counting) beloved books, including The Neddiad, Lizard Music, The Snarkout Boys and the Avocado of Death, Fat Men from Space, Borgel, and picture books including the million-selling The Big Orange Splot. He illustrated many of his own books until that task passed to his wife, illustrator and novelist Jill Pinkwater and other wonderful illustrators including Tomie DePaola, James Marshall, D.B Johnson and Calef Brown. For twenty-five years, Pinkwater was a popular commentator on National Public Radio, and has been spotted on the pages of the New York Times Magazine, The Washington Post, Saveur, OMNI, and many other publications. He has received the Blue Ribbon for Fattest Author at the Dutchess County Fair five times.
Pinkwater lives with Jill, a world-class genius rough collie called The Peach, and certain cats in a centuries-old farmhouse in New York’s Hudson River Valley.
Aaron Renier (Illustrator) is the author of three graphic novels for younger readers; Spiral-Bound, Walker Bean, and Walker Bean and the Knights of the Waxing Moon. He is the recipient of the Eisner award in 2006 for talent deserving of wider recognition, and was an inaugural resident for the Sendak Fellowship in 2010. He teaches drawing and comics at universities in Chicago.
Praise for Daniel Pinkwater
“Daniel Pinkwater is so obviously the funniest writer of children’s books that he should be made a Living National Treasure.”
—Washington Post Book World
“I do believe that Daniel Pinkwater is my favorite writer, living or dead.”
—Cory Doctorow
“Pinkwater is the uniquest. And so are his books. Each uniquer than the last . . . A delight in oddness. A magic that’s not like anyone else’s.”
—Neil Gaiman
“Daniel Pinkwater is, in my opinion, not only one of the best YA writers ever, but also a life-changing force in the life of a reader.”
—Leah Schnelbach, Tor.com
“The most perfect manufacturer of weird and absurd stories this side of Karel Čapek (with whom he seems to share a thing for lizards) or maybe Douglas Adams (with whom he shares an interest in sardonic aliens and travel through spacetime).”
—Forward
“Daniel Pinkwater helped to shape me as a storyteller and his books have delighted generations of young readers. We’re so lucky to have him as a guide to all the realms of the beautifully weird and whimsical.”
—Charlie Jane Anders, author of The City in the Middle of the Night
When I got home from summer camp I found a little old man stretched out on the spare bed in my room. On the other bed, my bed, fast asleep, was a skinny, shaggy dog, all angles and tufts of fur, with a long snout. The little old man was reading one of my brother’s comic books, and the dog was drooling on my bedspread.
“Look, Mick! Your new roommate!” my father said.
“And his dog!” my mother said. “You’ve always wanted a dog.”
I will explain in a little while why this statement was ironic.
I was not expecting this, neither the old man nor the dog. No one had prepared me, or told me anything. My parents obviously knew about it and had said nothing to me. They were all smirks and chuckles, as though it was an extra-nice surprise. My brother knew about it. It was clearly his doing. He was beaming with pride, as though he had brought off something wonderful.
“It’s the guru!” Maurice said.
“The guru?”
“This is the guru I went to the Indo-Tibetan border to find! Guru Lumpo Smythe-Finkel, meet my little brother, Mick,” my brother said.
“It’s cool with you if Lhasa and I crash in your room, isn’t it?” the Guru asked.
“Lhasa is the dog’s name? What is it, a collie?”
“She’s a Kali. It’s an old Tibetan breed.”
“The Guru almost didn’t come with me,” my brother said. “Lhasa was off somewhere, and he refused to leave his cave because he was waiting for Lhasa to come home.”
“Lhasa come home?”
“That’s right.”
“It’s fish sticks for dinner tonight,” my mother said.
My brother, Maurice (pronounced, ‘MAW-riss,’ and not ‘Mo-REECE’), is an average and standard older brother. I love him, of course, he’s my brother, but there’s nothing particularly unusual or interesting about him, except that he took a trip to the Himalayas to find a guru. Maurice had a heavy fascination with Dr. Jiva. This was a character in a not particularly popular comic book. Maurice collected every issue, going back to number one, and had three rare and hard-to-get posters on the walls of his room. He dressed up as Dr. Jiva for Halloween. Dr. Jiva had special powers. He could read minds, cause solid objects to float up into the air, and hold his breath for fifteen minutes. He could do these things because he had been the pupil of a mystical guru who was two hundred years old and lived in a cave high up in the Himalayan Mountains.
So naturally, Maurice wanted to find a mystical guru too, so he could be more like his hero. He had dropped out of community college after one semester and was working full time as a kibbler so he could save up money for the trip. Maurice did his kibbling at Katz’s Kosher Kibble Kompany, which is owned by our family and is the maker of Katz’s Kosher Kitty Kibble, and Katz’s Kosher Kute Puppy Kibble. Some explanation is in order here, so I will say that if you look up “kibble,” the best definition you will find is, “something that has been kibbled.” It is chunks or bits, usually of grain, for use as animal feed, and it comes in bags. “Kosher” refers to food that has been prepared in a manner according to Jewish law. There is no evidence that any cats or dogs belong to a specific religion, including Judaism, so it is highly unlikely that whether or not kibble is kosher would mean anything to them. Also, it is unclear whether kibble can even be kosher. To be precisely correct, the wording on the label should be in quotes, Kosher, or better, Kosher Style. Nobody seems to care.
This is why my mother mentioning that I have always wanted a dog was ironic. You would think a kid who belongs to a family that owns a dog food company would have a dog, wouldn’t you? My parents explained that they liked dogs, but it’s hard to keep a completely neat and clean house with pets in it. Apparently the Guru’s dog, Lhasa, was all right, but she was his dog, not mine, and didn’t even seem to be very interested in me.
Before his trip to Asia, Maurice was always on the lookout for a mystical guru in the neighborhood. He would ask anyone who came from the general vicinity of the Himalayas if they knew of one, and also ask anyone who looked to him as though they might have. This included people from India, Tibet, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, and also Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Hawaii. I believe most of these people were frightened by my brother.
Our father paid Maurice a miserable wage, and even though he lived at home and saved every dime, it was going to take him a very long time to get to India.
Then our great-aunt Elizabeth died. This was someone we had never met. She died and left each of us, Maurice and me, three thousand eight hundred and seventy-six dollars.
“I’m going to India,” he told me. “I’m going to buy a ticket to Darjeeling, and then I’m going trekking.”
Crazy in Poughkeepsie
Daniel Pinkwater
“Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a ludicrous romp reminiscent of the Muppets!”
—Beth Cato, author of The Clockwork Dagger
The inimitable Daniel Pinkwater (The Big Orange Splot; The Hoboken Chicken Emergency) brings his zany wit and wisdom to a middle-grade adventure following a kid’s off-the-beaten-path journey, featuring an unfocused spiritual guide, a not-quite-dwarf, a graffiti “artist,” a ghost whale, and mystical shenanigans galore.
Crazy in Poughkeepsie
by Daniel Pinkwater
ISBN: Print ISBN: 9781-61696-374-3, Digital ISBN: 978-1-61696-375-0
Published: May 2022
Available Format(s): Hardcover and Digital
The inimitable Daniel Pinkwater (The Big Orange Splot; The Hoboken Chicken Emergency) brings his zany wit and wisdom to a gentle middle-grade adventure following a kid’s off-the-beaten-path journey, featuring an unfocused spiritual guide, a not-quite-dwarf, a graffiti “artist,” a ghost whale, and mystical shenanigans galore.
“Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a ludicrous romp reminiscent of the Muppets! This is a book that will make you laugh, grin, and maybe look for more whimsy in your own world.”
—Beth Cato, author of The Clockwork Dagger
Mick is a good kid, but maybe he can use just a little guidance. But it’s unclear who will be guiding whom, because Mick’s brother came home from Tibet with the self-proclaimed Guru Lumpo Smythe-Finkel and his dog Lhasa―and then promptly settled both of them in Mick’s bedroom.
(The thing about this kind of guru is that he doesn’t seem to know exactly what he’s trying to do. He sure does seem to be hungry, though.)
Anyway, Mick agrees to something like a quest, roaming the suburbs with the oddest group of misfits: Lumpo and Lhasa; graffiti-fanatic Verne; and Verne’s unusual friend Molly. Molly is a Dwergish girl―don’t worry if you don’t know what that is yet―and she seems to be going off the rails a bit.
Along the way, the gang will get invited to a rollicking ghost party, consult a very strange little king, and actually discover the truth about Heaven. Or a version of the truth anyway, because in a Daniel Pinkwater tale, the truth is never the slightest bit like what you’re expecting.
Antick Musings Best Books of 2022
“Mick returns home from summer camp to find ‘a little old man’ named Guru Lumpu Smythe-Finkel occupying his bedroom in Pinkwater’s (Adventures of a Dwergish Girl) jovial novel. Though Mick’s older brother Maurice brought Lumpu and his dog Lhasa home from his trip to the Himalayas, the guru takes Mick on as his apprentice. During their daily hikes, Lumpu—who insists that destiny led him to Poughkeepsie, N.Y.—teaches Mick to appreciate the innate oddness of his hometown. The pair are joined by Vern, Mick’s environmental activist friend from summer camp, and Molly, a new arrival from the Catskill Mountains who describes herself as ‘crazy… I’m not myself.’ After encountering a ghost whale named Luna, the group embarks on a quest to guide the cetacean to her final resting place at the “whaley pearly gates.” . . . . This caper offers comical adventure, and Renier’s b&w illustrations exude classic comic strip aesthetics, admirably complementing Pinkwater’s straightforwardly told absurdist humor.
—Publishers Weekly
“The Pinkwaterverse is a place of delight and camaraderie, wordplay and weirdness, magic and epic sojourns. Each Pinkwater novel is a novelty and unmistakably part of his vast literary legacy. Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a trip to whale heaven, an afterlife that we can all aspire to.”
—Cory Doctorow, author of Little Brother
“Molly, a previously met character belonging to a secretive people (which ‘rhymes,’ the author hints, ‘with schmeprekon’) joins reluctant young narrator Mick and a motley group of fellow travelers in a tricked-out 1958 Buick convertible, complete with built-in toaster, to deliver a ghostly cetacean to the “whaley pearly gates,” also known as Whalhalla, Mount Whalympus, or Flukes of Glory. Naturally, there are many surreal encounters along the way, but bombinating (look it up) as they “stooge along,” guided by a surprisingly knowledgeable dog, the intrepid road trippers complete their mission, only to be rewarded by being all-too-briefly drawn in to the mystical, whirling dance of the massed whale spirits. Renier’s intermittent spot art provides an added visual element, and the climactic experience is likely to affect readers as deeply as it does Mick and his compatriots, making an unexpectedly lovely capper for this typically, and distinctively, daffy journey.”
—Booklist
“Daniel Pinkwater’s new novel is a magical ‘bombination,’ which is to say a slow hum that starts soft and then wraps around you with snappy wit and ghostly music that makes you dance. It’s a hum that gathers all together-short, tall, odd, activist, artist, teen and guru-until you realise that you’re at the party of your life.”
—Jewelle Gomez, author of the Gilda Stories
“Opening the pages of Crazy in Poughkeepsie was like buying a ticket back to the all the weirdness and wonder of being a kid. I’m pretty sure we passed the Phantom Tollbooth during the road trip!”
—Jacqueline Carey, author of Starless
“By the time it’s over, Crazy in Poughkeepsie turns into a remarkably sweet-natured mystical fantasy about helping a beloved ghost whale find its way to whale heaven. But throughout, it remains a characteristic Pinkwater tale of unexpected turns, hilarious sidebars, and above all a celebration of the outsider—or at least of the quirks and obsessions that make us all outsiders at one time or another. And, as always, it’s wickedly funny.”
—Locus
“Daniel Pinkwater has written a very clever and funny story that will keep middle graders, even reluctant readers, fully engaged and turning pages right through to the end. The characters are fully formed and fascinating. The story is very compelling and the writing is superb, with snappy dialogue and excellent description.”
—Seattle Book Review
“A light-hearted romp filled with wonders including ghosts, gurus, and gold told in classic Pinkwater style. . . . Pinkwater manages to skewer and humanize lofty ideas of what it means to be a mystic, what it means to be an outsider, and what it means to follow an adventure no matter where it might take you with humor and absurdity that we could all use right now.”
—Kendra Preston Leonard, author of Protectress
“Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a ludicrous romp reminiscent of the Muppets! Weirdness is positive, wonderful, and everywhere in Pinkwater’s writing. This is a book that will make you laugh, grin, and maybe look for more whimsy in your own world.”
—Beth Cato, author of The Clockwork Dagger
“Daniel Pinkwater’s latest book, Crazy in Poughkeepsie, will delight his longtime addicts and provide a funny introduction to his world for anyone stumbling upon him for the first time. The short novel aimed at kids plays like a Pinkwater greatest-hits album.”
—Book & Film Globe
“Crazy in Poughkeepsie is a delightful book. It is a simple story with tiny bits of adventure all around, but I think that’s what many of us, me included, need often right now. I recommend this book to those who want a quiet adventure and a bit of funkiness in their lives.”
—A. Siegel
“A wonderfully silly and delightful adventure.”
—The Nameless Zine
“This book is short, sweet, ridiculous, and hilarious with a modern take on ‘Save the Planet.’ Rarely does a book make me actually laugh out loud but this one did in several places.”
—Lucy’s Kids Blog
“This is a wonderfully weird story. The absurd moments flow effortlessly from one to the next. As always, I’ll note that seemingly effortless moments obviously are the result of effort, skill, and talent.”
—The Irresponsible Reader
5/5 stars. “All I can say this book is totally bonkers sometimes I was beginning to wonder what am I reading but you know what it made me laugh out loud.”
—Nutty Bookworm
Pinkwater lives with Jill, a world-class genius rough collie called The Peach, and certain cats in a centuries-old farmhouse in New York’s Hudson River Valley.
Aaron Renier (Illustrator) is the author of three graphic novels for younger readers; Spiral-Bound, Walker Bean, and Walker Bean and the Knights of the Waxing Moon. He is the recipient of the Eisner award in 2006 for talent deserving of wider recognition, and was an inaugural resident for the Sendak Fellowship in 2010. He teaches drawing and comics at universities in Chicago.
Praise for Daniel Pinkwater
“Daniel Pinkwater is so obviously the funniest writer of children’s books that he should be made a Living National Treasure.”
—Washington Post Book World
“I do believe that Daniel Pinkwater is my favorite writer, living or dead.”
—Cory Doctorow
“Pinkwater is the uniquest. And so are his books. Each uniquer than the last . . . A delight in oddness. A magic that’s not like anyone else’s.”
—Neil Gaiman
“Daniel Pinkwater is, in my opinion, not only one of the best YA writers ever, but also a life-changing force in the life of a reader.”
—Leah Schnelbach, Tor.com
“The most perfect manufacturer of weird and absurd stories this side of Karel Čapek (with whom he seems to share a thing for lizards) or maybe Douglas Adams (with whom he shares an interest in sardonic aliens and travel through spacetime).”
—Forward
“Daniel Pinkwater helped to shape me as a storyteller and his books have delighted generations of young readers. We’re so lucky to have him as a guide to all the realms of the beautifully weird and whimsical.”
—Charlie Jane Anders, author of The City in the Middle of the Night
Visit the Daniel Pinkwater website.
When I got home from summer camp I found a little old man stretched out on the spare bed in my room. On the other bed, my bed, fast asleep, was a skinny, shaggy dog, all angles and tufts of fur, with a long snout. The little old man was reading one of my brother’s comic books, and the dog was drooling on my bedspread.
“Look, Mick! Your new roommate!” my father said.
“And his dog!” my mother said. “You’ve always wanted a dog.”
I will explain in a little while why this statement was ironic.
I was not expecting this, neither the old man nor the dog. No one had prepared me, or told me anything. My parents obviously knew about it and had said nothing to me. They were all smirks and chuckles, as though it was an extra-nice surprise. My brother knew about it. It was clearly his doing. He was beaming with pride, as though he had brought off something wonderful.
“It’s the guru!” Maurice said.
“The guru?”
“This is the guru I went to the Indo-Tibetan border to find! Guru Lumpo Smythe-Finkel, meet my little brother, Mick,” my brother said.
“It’s cool with you if Lhasa and I crash in your room, isn’t it?” the Guru asked.
“Lhasa is the dog’s name? What is it, a collie?”
“She’s a Kali. It’s an old Tibetan breed.”
“The Guru almost didn’t come with me,” my brother said. “Lhasa was off somewhere, and he refused to leave his cave because he was waiting for Lhasa to come home.”
“Lhasa come home?”
“That’s right.”
“It’s fish sticks for dinner tonight,” my mother said.
My brother, Maurice (pronounced, ‘MAW-riss,’ and not ‘Mo-REECE’), is an average and standard older brother. I love him, of course, he’s my brother, but there’s nothing particularly unusual or interesting about him, except that he took a trip to the Himalayas to find a guru. Maurice had a heavy fascination with Dr. Jiva. This was a character in a not particularly popular comic book. Maurice collected every issue, going back to number one, and had three rare and hard-to-get posters on the walls of his room. He dressed up as Dr. Jiva for Halloween. Dr. Jiva had special powers. He could read minds, cause solid objects to float up into the air, and hold his breath for fifteen minutes. He could do these things because he had been the pupil of a mystical guru who was two hundred years old and lived in a cave high up in the Himalayan Mountains.
So naturally, Maurice wanted to find a mystical guru too, so he could be more like his hero. He had dropped out of community college after one semester and was working full time as a kibbler so he could save up money for the trip. Maurice did his kibbling at Katz’s Kosher Kibble Kompany, which is owned by our family and is the maker of Katz’s Kosher Kitty Kibble, and Katz’s Kosher Kute Puppy Kibble. Some explanation is in order here, so I will say that if you look up “kibble,” the best definition you will find is, “something that has been kibbled.” It is chunks or bits, usually of grain, for use as animal feed, and it comes in bags. “Kosher” refers to food that has been prepared in a manner according to Jewish law. There is no evidence that any cats or dogs belong to a specific religion, including Judaism, so it is highly unlikely that whether or not kibble is kosher would mean anything to them. Also, it is unclear whether kibble can even be kosher. To be precisely correct, the wording on the label should be in quotes, Kosher, or better, Kosher Style. Nobody seems to care.
This is why my mother mentioning that I have always wanted a dog was ironic. You would think a kid who belongs to a family that owns a dog food company would have a dog, wouldn’t you? My parents explained that they liked dogs, but it’s hard to keep a completely neat and clean house with pets in it. Apparently the Guru’s dog, Lhasa, was all right, but she was his dog, not mine, and didn’t even seem to be very interested in me.
Before his trip to Asia, Maurice was always on the lookout for a mystical guru in the neighborhood. He would ask anyone who came from the general vicinity of the Himalayas if they knew of one, and also ask anyone who looked to him as though they might have. This included people from India, Tibet, Sri Lanka, Pakistan, and also Mexico, Puerto Rico, and Hawaii. I believe most of these people were frightened by my brother.
Our father paid Maurice a miserable wage, and even though he lived at home and saved every dime, it was going to take him a very long time to get to India.
Then our great-aunt Elizabeth died. This was someone we had never met. She died and left each of us, Maurice and me, three thousand eight hundred and seventy-six dollars.
“I’m going to India,” he told me. “I’m going to buy a ticket to Darjeeling, and then I’m going trekking.”